


The Love of Scamming

by iyaminati



Category: osomatsu kun, おそ松さん | Osomatsu-san (Anime)
Genre: France - Freeform, Iyami - Freeform, Love, Other, con artist, scam, sheeh, zansu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-01-31 06:44:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12676518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iyaminati/pseuds/iyaminati
Summary: Iyami met an other con artist. Something between them will happen. But what?Inspired by a post from tumblr: http://thefruitdragon.tumblr.com/post/165337929142/hc-iyami-met-his-ex-partner-through-his-line-of





	1. Plastic Ducks

"SHEEEEEEEH! Moi will not give you the money you gave me, take back is steal, zansu! Uhyo~"

  
A man wearing a pink suit with a red bowtie and a cane was fleeing several people. He had a special feature on his face, teeth coming out of his mouth, an overbite. He seemed to be well known in the neighborhood.

  
"GIVE OUR MONEY BACK, IYAMI, YOU SCAMMER!”

  
_Iyami_... that was his name.

  
"You hold that much to your money? Go, take it back, zansu!"

  
He threw the money into the water. All threw themselves into the water to catch their beloved bills.

  
"Uhyo ~ they don’t know that what moi just thrown in the water are losing lottery tickets, zansu!"

  
Iyami smiled. He loved trapping people. It was his hobby. He was an expert con artist. The best known of all Japan!

  
"And from France! Don’t forget that moi just came back from France, zansu!"

  
Ah… Iyami and France, it was a great love story. Since his early childhood, Iyami has been a francophile. That means he loves France. He worships France. France is a bit like a god for him. A beauty. The best thing in the world that can exist. There is no better thing than France, oh no!  
Iyami looked at the beautiful blue sky and he began to smile.

  
"One day, moi would go back again to my beloved France chérie, don’t forget moi France, je t’aime, zansu!"

  
He continued to smile, saw a booth who caught his interest. It's not really the booth that interested him, but the person who managed it. She was a girl, probably of his age.

  
"Uhyo~ Moi is going to see what this girl is selling, zansu~"

  
Iyami hops to the booth and stops there making a cheerful sheeh.

  
"Sheeeeh! Bonjour, zansu!"  
"Hello, sir. I sell plastic ducks, are you interested?"

  
Plastic ducks? What was that? Iyami could not help laughing at this revelation, which seemed to annoy the girl.

  
"I don’t see what's funny, sir." She said, dryly.  
"Uhyoyoyoyo~ Moi is sorry, zansu, but this is the first time Moi've seen someone selling plastic ducks, zansu!" Iyami replied, tears in his eyes because he had laughed too much.

  
The girl sighed but still wanted to sell one of her plastic ducks.

  
"Are you going to buy one, yes or no?" She asked.  
"How much, zansu?" Asked in turn, Iyami.

  
"They all cost 10,000 yens."  
10,000 yens?!

  
"But you're crazy, zansu! Moi is never going to buy such a thing for such a huge sum, you're crazy mademoiselle, zansu!" Exclaimed Iyami. After all he was an expert con artist, he was not going to be tricked like that.  
"If I was you, I would buy you one… You know they're very rare, they belonged to Louis XVI and Marie-Antoi-..."

"THE KING AND THE QUEEN OF FRANCE, ZANSU ?!"

  
Iyami screamed. He was very sensitive to everything that concerned France. He was going crazy just to hear about it.

  
"Yes, yes, you understood everything, sir! They belonged to King Louis XVI and his wife, Queen Marie-Antoinette. After their death, these plastic ducks were kept in a museum before being sold to auction. I'm the one who bought them, very expensive, so I sell them because you see, I have to make some money, so… Do you want one? Or even all of them?" Asked the young woman, smiling at Iyami.

  
Iyami's heart was pounding in his chest. It was so beautiful. A daydream. Objects that belonged to one of the king of France... it was the best thing that could happen to him. Admittedly, they all cost 10,000 yen but it was well worth it. And then with his con artist skills, he could sell them even more expensive and become outrageously rich.

  
"Sir?"  
"Oh... oui, oui. Sorry, moi was dreaming, zansu!" Iyami said, blushing slightly.  
"Hum, for you I can make them cheaper, instead of 10,000 yens it will be 9999 yens!"

  
One cent off?! Decidedly it was the most beautiful day of all his existence! Iyami was thrilled! He was so happy!

  
"Moi will buy you all, zansu!!"

  
The girl smiled broadly. In all, there were 10 plastic ducks... So in all, she should catch 99,990 yens!

  
Iyami took out ten tickets of 10,000 yens from his pocket. That was all the money he had made today selling things he'd found in the garbage. He handed it happily to the girl.  
"Mademoiselle... today you have made a man happy. Moi, Iyami... Please take it and keep the money, zansu."

  
"Oh, nice to meet you, Iyami." She said, snatching the 100,000 yens from his hands.

  
After she took the bills, Iyami took the whole crate of plastic ducks and hurried back home.  
Tonight it was hot bath with the plastic ducks of Louis XIV and Marie-Antoinette! The next morning he would sell them for millions of yen.

  
"Ah, the water is hot, zansu!"

  
Iyami caught one of the plastic ducks. It was all pink.

  
"You, moi’s darling, you'll make moi a millionaire, even a billionaire who knows, zansu!"

  
Wait a minute...

  
"...Zansu?"

  
Iyami could clearly read on this plastic duck "Made in Japan, 1988".

  
"Moi..."

  
Silence that lasts a few seconds.

  
“SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!!!”

  
Iyami screamed. A cry of despair.

  
"She... she scammed moi, zansu .. This... it's not the plastic ducks of Louis XVI and Marie-Antoinette... and they were not even made in France…”

  
Second silence that lasts a few seconds.

  
"SHE WILL SEE WHO MOI AM! NO ONE SCAMS IYAMI, ZANSU !!!"

  
Iyami stepped out of his bath, put on his kimono and went to bed.

  
"But before, moi have to sleep, zansu, moi will tell her what moi think about all this tomorrow, zans-"

  
He had fallen asleep.


	2. Babysitting and girl.

Ring. RING. RIIIIIIIIN-...

No more noise.

Iyami had hit hard in the alarm clock. This blow had been fatal. The alarm clock no longer existed and was now reduced to several small pieces.

"...Uh. Moi can not control my strength, uhyo~ zansu!"

He got up from his futon and went to open the window.

"BONJOUR!"

It was sunny. Very sunny. An ideal time for a Sunday in July.

"What can moi do today? Hum... Oh yes, to scam people, of course, moi is running out of money... oh yes, moi was bought these stupid plastic duck, zansu, moi do not have a yen anymore, moi...

...YES, MOI MUST GO BACK SEE THIS GIRL. After, moi will be able to go quietly scam people, zansu!"

Iyami ate a baguette, put on his best pink suit and hurried out of his house.

"It's so good today... it's wonderful, zansu!  
...No time to lose admiring the beauty of the weather... moi have to go see this girl and tell her what moi think, zansu! "

He hastened to that booth where he had seen the girl yesterday. Apart from the fact that he had been easily tricked, he really found this girl particularly beautiful. Maybe because she had an overbite like him... Or maybe it was something else. He would never know it.

"But where is she, zansu..."

In looking for her, Iyami saw a couple. Nothing surprising, but something caught his eye. This couple had six children. Sextuplets. It was the first time Iyami had seen so many children.

"What the fuck, zansu."

He tried not to pay much attention to it and continued his search to find the mysterious girl. Yes, she was really mysterious. Why did she sell him plastic ducks, anyways? She could have been more original, at least.

That's what Iyami thought. Selling plastic ducks was not original at all.

"Excuse me, sir?"

It was the couple who had sextuplets.

"Yes, zansu?"  
"Do you know where is the nearest nursery?" Asked the father of the sextuplets.  
"Why, zansu?" Asked Iyami a little surprised at the question.  
"Sir, do not you see that my husband Matsuzo and I have six children?" Replied the mother of the sextuplets.

Iyami looked at the sextuplets again. He could not believe it was possible to have so many children at once. Suddenly, an idea crossed his mind.

"I can be babysitter, if you want." Suggested he.  
"Great!!" Exclaims Matsuzo. "What do you think, Matsuyo?"  
"Do you think it's a good idea to leave our babies to a complete stranger...?" Matsuyo asked her husband.  
"I do not think it's a bad person, look at him, with his big teeth!"

Iyami frowned. Matsuyo looked at Iyami and was not very convinced.

"Um .. well, okay." Said she.  
"Great! Sir... we'll leave our babies for an hour or two while we go to the restaurant, thank you very much!"

Matsuzo and Matsuyo left, leaving Iyami alone with the sextuplets. What kind of parents leave their children to a complete stranger for going to the restaurant?

"If moi had known that moi would babysit today... well that was moi's idea but..."

He looked at the sextuplets and he found them all very cute. But they all started crying.

"...Oh, moi hate when babies cry, zansu... Moi... uh... calm down, zansu...?"  
"I did not know you had children!"

That voice... it was yesterday's girl. The plastic ducks seller.

"Oh, they are not mine, zansu." Said Iyami.  
"Are you their uncle?" Asked the girl.  
"Uh... not really, zansu." Iyami replied.

A little silence that lasts a few seconds.

"SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH."

This sheeh startled the girl. But the sextuplets stopped crying and laughed.

"You... you're the girl who scammed me, zansu!!" Iyami shouted.  
"Scammed, what do you mean?"  
"The... the plastic ducks... they... they were fake..."

Second little silence that lasts a few seconds.

"Oh, those plastic ducks I got them for free in a funfair." Admitted the girl.  
"So you scammed me, zansu!!" Said Iyami who was very angry.  
"Yes?"  
"SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH."

It was the second times Iyami was sheeing. It meant that the situation was serious enough.

"But it's illegal, moi gave you 100,000 yens, give it back to moi, zansu!!"  
"Giving is giving and taking back is stealing."  
"This... that's a sentence of moi, zansu!!"  
"Not anymore."

Iyami was completely embarrassed. Shame. Get scammed. So easily. By a pretty girl. Such a pretty girl... A...

At that moment, Iyami did not know exactly what happened. But his heart beat faster. He saw hearts appear above his head that he pressed to disappear. Also looking at the girl, he saw flowers all around her. What did it mean?!

"You are fine?" She asked, placing her hand on Iyami's shoulder.

Iyahalf shivered. The girl was so close to him. 

"Moi... moi needs my living space, zansu..."   
"Excuse me?" 

The girl, as well as the sextuplets looked at Iyami. He was so angry just two minutes ago... what was happening to him? 

"Moi, moi, moi, moi..."   
"Sir ... how are you?" She asked, touching her forehead. "You... your forehead is boiling!"

Iyami felt himself blush at the touch of the girl's hand on her warm forehead. It was a nice feeling. Yes, nice was the word. But he could not explain why.

"Mademoiselle, zansu..."   
"Yes, sir?"   
"Do you want to go to the restaurant with mo-..."   
"WE ARE BACK!"

This voice... it was the one of the father of the sextuplets. They were already back from the restaurant ?! Iyami was angry. He was almost going to ask her to go to the restaurant with him. The father of the sextuplets had ruined this beautiful moment.

"WHY YOU ARE ALREADY BACK, ZANSU !!!!"   
"...Excuse me? We just come looking for our children." Answered Matsuzo.  
"TALK BETTER TO MY HUSBAND!!!" Matsuyo shouted, slapping Iyami off, which made him fall to the floor. 

"What a bad character." Said Matsuyo walking away with her husband and sons. 

Iyami was on the floor. It was a painful day. Really painful.

"Zansu..."   
"Do you need help?" The girl asked him.

At that moment, she held out her hand. Iyami grabbed her and stood up. He looked at her blushing before thanking her.

"M... merci, zansu."   
"You're welcome, sir." The girl answered winking.  
"Do you... understand French, zansu ?!" Asked Iyami, surprised.  
"Yes, a little, I lived a little in France." Replied the girl, smiling.

It was extraordinary. First of all, this incredibly beautiful girl had scammed her. She understood a little French. She had stolen his 100,000 yen. And now she stole something else from him... 

"My heart..."   
"What?" 

Iyami looked at the girl again and smiled. He had fallen in love. At least... he thought he was falling in love. 

"For plastic ducks, forget... moi is not mad at you anymore... But... how about going... moi do not know... have a drink together, zansu?"  
"With pleasure!"

Iyami smiled. The girl returned his smile. Finally, this day was not so painful. Who knows what tomorrow will reserve? Iyami can't wait to know.


End file.
